Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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