Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
