I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
