Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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