so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
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