I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
