we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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