I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
