She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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