I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
