I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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