i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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