Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We just shotgunned beers for America
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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