I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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