He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
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I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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