i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
