standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
