If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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