So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
