i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
