i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
