im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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