And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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