We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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