Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
