I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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