do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
do herpes really smell.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
