Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
