i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
