Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
