dude i'm inner monologue high
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It all started with a game of naked twister.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
