I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
