i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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