you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
