she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
