Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
