I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
