sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
