dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
