I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
