discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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