i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
