It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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