1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
