Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
