I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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