i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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