i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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