standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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