Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
