saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
