in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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