Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
