once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
