I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
