Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
