I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
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You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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