I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
