Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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