we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
