Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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