so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
