My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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