My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
