I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
