i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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