I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
