its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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