i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
