What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
No more Irish car bombs ever.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
