I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
